The importance of Reflective Functioning

Over the past 12 months, I have undertaken a countless number of parenting assessments where the parent(s) had additional needs with their cognitive capacity (cognitive capacity meaning someone’s general ability to process information). Although the parent’s cognitive capacity was an important consideration when undertaking the assessment sessions (this resulted me needing to use visual aids and being mindful of how I structured questions to help support the parent’s engagement), I often found that the parent’s understanding of what needed to change was not a reflection of their cognitive capacity. Instead, I found parents very often lacked reflective functioning, whereby they were not able to understand their own mental states, or how their mental states influenced their parenting strategies. Of most significance, it was also evident that the parent’s lack of reflective functioning was having an adverse impact on their capacity to understand their child’s experiences, including the child’s experiences of being parented.

What is reflective functioning?

Reflective Functioning (RF), also known as mentalization, refers to the psychological processes underlying the capacity to understand oneself and others in terms of mental states such as feelings, beliefs, intentions, and desires. It involves both self-reflection and an interpersonal component, enabling individuals to distinguish between inner and outer reality, pretend and real modes of functioning, and intrapersonal and interpersonal processes. This developmental skill allows individuals to interpret behaviour in terms of underlying mental states, making actions meaningful and predictable (Fonagy et al, 1998).

While rooted in early interpersonal experiences, particularly with caregivers, RF is considered a skill that continues to evolve and may vary across different situations and relationships (Fonagy et al, 1998).

There are significant benefits for a child when a parent is able to mentalize. This includes mentalization helping a parent’s capacity to understand their child’s behaviour in terms of underlying mental states like thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and intentions, as well as playing a crucial role in the child’s emotional and social development (Rossouw et al, 2021).

Some of the key benefits for a parent being able to mentalize for their child may include:

Development of the Child’s Own Mentalizing Abilities: Children learn to identify and mentally represent their own affects through their parents’ interest in their subjective experiences and the parents’ emotional displays that focus on the child’s mind and feelings. Reflective parents teach children to adopt a mentalizing stance themselves in everyday activities, and by being curious about the child’s behaviour, listening, and trying to understand their perspective, parents model mentalizing for their children (Midgely et al, 2023).

Enhanced Affect Regulation and Self-Control: When parents can imagine their infant’s or young child’s subjective experience, it facilitates the development of the child’s affect regulation and self-control. Through processes like attention-shifting strategies and communicating about affects (“I could see you trying to be brave, even though it hurt a little…”), parents help children to start thinking of themselves as having a mind and helps them to develop self-regulation skills (Midgely et al, 2023).

RF makes a child’s behaviour more predictable and meaningful to a parent: By attributing thoughts and feelings (mental states) to the child, the parent can understand the underlying reasons for their actions. This allows the parent to respond more sensitively and appropriately, reducing the need for constant explicit explanations and fostering greater autonomy for both parent and child (Fonagy et al, 1998).

Secure Attachment: A parent’s mentalizing capacity underlies sensitive parenting, which is crucial for the development of secure attachment. Parents who are reflective can mentally put themselves in the place of the infant and imagine the infant’s experience, leading to sensitive and responsive caregiving. Secure attachment, in turn, provides optimal conditions for the development of mentalization in children. Children who develop secure attachment strategies tend to see themselves and their relationships in terms of mental states more than those with insecure attachment strategies (Midgely et al, 2023). 

Epistemic Trust and Social Learning: When parents communicate an interest in their child’s mind and feelings, it helps the child to develop the capacity to recognize their feelings and regulate emotions. This also communicates that the information shared by the parent is valuable and that the parent is trustworthy – this fosters epistemic trust, which is the willingness to consider new knowledge from another person as trustworthy and relevant to the self. Epistemic trust is a precondition for the transmission of all culturally transmitted knowledge and helps children open themselves to learn from those around them (Midgely et al, 2023).

Development of a Coherent Sense of Self: A parent’s ability to mentalize contributes to the child’s developing sense of self. Children with reflective parents who help them understand their feelings and behaviours are more likely to develop basic self-knowledge (Midgely et al, 2023).

Facilitating Communication and Connection: A parent who can consider the child’s perspective and mental state will communicate more effectively, ensuring the child feels understood. This aligns with the general principle of collaboration in communication, where understanding the other’s point of view is crucial (Fonagy et al, 1998).

Improved Social Understanding and Relationships: Children of mentalizing parents are more likely to accurately read the intentions of others and show empathy and emotional attunement. They are often better at resolving conflict situations because they can use perspective-taking skills and regulate their own affects (Midgely et al, 2023).

Buffer Against Stress and Trauma: Parental reflective functioning has been shown to be a protective factor in the context of trauma. Even when children experience difficult situations or negative emotions, a parent who can mentalize can help them make sense of their experiences and regulate their emotional responses (Midgely et al, 2023).

Effective Management of Difficult Behaviours: By looking past the child’s behaviour to understand their underlying experience and mind, parents can respond in ways that help the child feel understood rather than simply reacting to the behaviour itself (Midgely et al, 2023). This can prevent the escalation of negative interactions and vicious cycles of non-mentalizing.

In essence, a parent’s ability to mentalize creates a secure and understanding environment where the child can develop a strong sense of self, learn to regulate their emotions, build trusting relationships, and develop their own capacity to understand the complexities of human behaviour.

References:

Fonagy, P., Target, M., Steele, H., & Steele, M. (1998) Reflective Functioning Manual (Version 5)

Midgley, N., Ensink, K., Lindquist, K., Malberg, M., & Muller, N. (2023) Mentalization-Based Treatment for Children: A time-limited approach. American Psychological Association 

Rossouw, T., Wiwe, M, & Vrouva, I. (2021) Mentalization-Based Treatment for Adolescents: A practical Treatment Guide. Routledge, Oxon